


You Raise Me Up To More Than I Can Be

by Remix_Sakura



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Non-Explicit Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 08:17:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6366541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remix_Sakura/pseuds/Remix_Sakura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of short drabbles, stories, and conversations between Flame General Raubahn Aldynn and Sultana Nanamo Ul Namo.</p><p>Sometimes platonic, sometimes romantic, sometimes sexual, always fluffy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one's for general audience, and takes place in a hypothetical future where Nanamo's abdication is going to happen for reals this time.

“I wished for this for so long, and yet… I can hardly believe it’s really happening.” Nanamo laughed nervously, and looked down at her feet swinging out from under the bench. “I… can’t believe I’m … I’m actually _frightened_."

The sultana and the Flame General were seated together on the balcony of her chambers. Except, they wouldn’t be her chambers much longer. And it was only hours until she would not be sultana any longer. Even now, she was dressed as plainly as if she were Lady Lilira. The nights were always cool here, but Raubahn suspected that she enjoyed being able to look at the stars over the desert.

“I can promise you, we have prepared thoroughly for every security contingency that may come during the transition. I’ve made absolutely sure of it. The house of representatives have already been meeting for some time in anticipation the first day of the new government."

It was true that there would be no clear single leader of Ul’dah for a time, until a general election was held that would appoint the nation’s first democratically appointed head of state. What mattered was that the Syndicate had long been dismantled, and that the power, though it would take time to solidify, was finally in the hands of all citizens, equally. With that cruel responsibility off his shoulders, it had given him much needed time to attend to Nanamo, as they planned the first small steps that would begin Ul’dah’s future.

“No, no, it’s not that…” Nanamo’s eyes lowered again, then rose to look at him. "I’ve… never _no_ t been sultana. Not as I can remember. It’s… it’s going to be so _different_.” She grinned up at him, and waved a finger playfully. “You’ll no longer be able to call me ‘Your Grace,’ you know.” It put an amused smile on his face.

“I… I feel like I’ll wake tomorrow, and… I’ll not know who I am anymore. I’ve just… never had anything else. If…” She looked almost on the edge of tears as she lowered her face to stare at her feet once again. "If I’m not sultana, then who _am_ I?"

The words struck Raubahn deeply. It seemed so wrong, so sad… how could she not _know_ all the wonderful things she was?

“You are…” He began, without thinking. What should he call her now? Would it be too much to use her name?

“You are the voice of the people. You always have been. And the voice of your ancestors — of everything they have stood for. I know you don’t think so, but… you have carried their legacy, and I’m sure you’ve made them proud."

Nanamo blinked at him in surprise, but her face began to soften, at least. Gods, why was he saying all this? It was all true, but — why was it all coming out just now? Because she had to hear it — had to know the truth?

“You’re... kind, and generous, and graceful. You never seem to lose your smile, even after all we’ve been through. You are always determined to make it better. And you’re _strong_ , so much stronger than you know. And you’re not perfect but… but always believed, in you, and you’ve always inspired me."

Her eyes look at him widely. Why he had said all of this, here, now, for the first time, he had no idea. He wanted to hesitate, to hold back, but there was no more hesitating now. Surely, he had to look her in the eyes for this. 

“You are… the most wonderful woman I’ve ever known."

He thought she might be on the verge of tears, were it not for the beautiful smile on her face. Perhaps it was both — the tears fell from her eyes at the same time that she leaped up on the bench to pull him into the tightest embrace she could manage. Her arms wrapped around his neck and just such a height that he could easily return the embrace, his face resting at her shoulder close enough that he could smell the faint fragrance of rose petals.

“I… I… “ she sniffled. “Thank you… so much."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has sexual content (though not explicit). You may want to leave if intimacy between Lalafell and non-Lalafell isn't not your thing.

“My love…"

Nanamo softly sighed the words as she wrapped her arms around Raubahn’s neck for another long kiss. His fingers were laced into her hair. Her bedchamber was lit only by faint moonlight. She gently took his free hand, and used it to slide down one shoulder off her nightgown. Her skin was warm and flushed; her eyes were dark and lidded.

“I want you."

Raubahn had always been the one who’d do anything and everything for the woman he loved. Even before he’d told Nanamo he loved her. Even before she’d told him she loved him. It had always been in the small things; how he’d always come when she called, for advice, for companionship, for an ear to listen to the latest gossip about someone neither of them liked. In the things he did that she’d never see, to protect her, to serve her, to keep her enemies at bay.

But now, he had so many new ways to put a smile on her face. With a light touch to the back of her neck, or a stolen kiss when they were alone in the halls, or a compliment to her beauty. With the last pastry always left for her at breakfast. With a vague musing about what they could do once all of this mess was over. And she loved him for it. She was ceaseless in her gratitude, her affection, her questions as to what he liked and what she could do for him.

Perhaps, she’d never truly understand that his greatest joy was to make her happy. But that was alright, as long as she kept on allowing him to keep giving.

Nanamo was always the one who wanted him first. Maybe he liked it that way — to see the desire in her, to be the one to fulfill it. But every time, he still felt a subtle flash of hesitation, of fear. That … it would hurt her, it would _wrong_ her, to give her exactly what she wanted. What she _begged_ him for.

Even for all the times she had promised him that _nothing_ would keep them apart any longer, somehow, Raubahn still found it difficult to accept. That it wasn’t truly his place to love someone like her. That eventually, she would want to marry, or have to marry, someone much nobler than he. Someone of better birth. And she would be _ruined_ for anyone else.

Why couldn’t he just _believe_ her, when she said she would always be his?

The better part of him knew — he couldn’t love her completely if he held anything back. If he denied her anything she asked, for reasons only of his own insecurity. She wanted him, he wanted her, she loved him, he loved her. That was all that mattered — not their fears, not their enemies, nothing else but this, here, now. Everything of his, he would give to her, in body and soul.

When he first began to run his hands up her thighs from underneath her nightgown, she breathlessly insisted that it wasn’t fair that he was always the one to please her, when they were like this, that he should have a turn. He could only chuckle, plant a few light kisses across her body, and assure her that this was exactly what he wanted. To feel her pleasure. To see it, hear it, taste it.

He could feel it now, in the slight trembling of her body under his hands, as if this still felt new to her. It was in her light, breathy gasps, followed by soft moans, which steadily grew louder. It was in the way she tightly closed her eyes and bit her lip. In the warm wetness on his fingers, in her unbridled moans and screams. Surely the guards outside her chambers must have heard. The further he pushed her, the less it seemed to matter. Her hands grabbed for his shoulders, fingers clenched. Her trembling lips reached up to meet his for only a moment, before they parted again. Her hips rocked up and down to match the movement of his hand, and demandingly quickened in pace. Every sound, every movement, every touch, an appreciation, and affirmation of everything he did for her.

She was everything he wanted, everything he could have dreamed for, and even more, even greater, even sweeter. This — gods, when her screams reached a peak, and her body tensed and clenched around him, and still he didn’t stop until her trembling ceased and all of her was spent and her body was limp, and he was the one to make her feel this way — this was his heaven. When she lifted his head from where it rested her chest, to look at him for a long moment, panting, eyes half lidded, then wrap her arms around his neck and pull him down again to kiss him — all the joy in the world was his. Her look told him everything that couldn’t be spoken in words. She loved him. She treasured him. He made her happy. _This_ was the greatest pleasure he could ever experience. Nothing would ever be sweeter than this.


	3. Self-Defense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raubahn wants to teach Nanamo how to defend herself, if she’s ever in trouble and he’s not around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought of this while in krav maga class. Don’t you love it when your OTP creeps up into your daily life? 
> 
> Pre-2.5, everyone's arms are intact. 100% gen, 1000% adorable.

"Your weapons are your hands, your feet. Sometimes even your head. But, the best weapons on the body are these."

Raubahn lifted his forearm into a horizontal position, and placed his fingers on the bone-hard tip of the elbow. From his kneeling position, the motion was clearly visible to his much shorter trainee.

“The bones are hard, much less fragile than those in the hand. If you bring it back, and swing it forward like this..."

Having watched intently at the instruction, Nanamo was quick to imitate the elbow strike. The movement felt strange to her, but still she furrowed her eyebrows and concentrated intently on achieving the proper form. Many times, she repeated the motion, while Raubahn gently corrected the position of her arm, or encouraged her to swing harder, more aggressively.

The techniques he’d been showing her were something like those used at the Pugilist’s Guild, but with many personal touches from his own fighting experience. She wore a plain cotton dalmatica and trousers, reminiscent of Lady Lilira; truthfully, all of her plain clothes seemed to have been dyed a rosy pink. The lessons were something they’d had to keep hidden from any of her attendants, lest they try and chide the General for putting the Sultana in physical danger. His intention was, of course, much the opposite.

After having her practice the strike repeatedly on both arms, Raubahn then continued his instruction.

“When you are being attacked, you may only have a precious few opportunities to retaliate on your attacker. It’s important to use those opportunities to maximum effectiveness. That means aiming all strikes to these universal weak points. One good, true strike to these areas, and the attacker can be temporarily disabled, if not taken down to the ground. This will gain you those precious few moments you need to run away before they recover."

"The eyes… “ he made hand gestures to go with the list. “Nose, throat, ears, ankles, fingers. What else am I forgetting? And, the groin."

Nanamo giggled quietly, placing her hand over her mouth, in that polite and ladylike manner that made her girlish amusement almost feel like a graceful compliment. Then she nodded, and continued listening as if nothing had happened.

After a pause, Raubahn’s voice became low and serious.

"You must understand this, Your Grace. When it comes to defending yourself, there are no rules of engagement. Every decision must come from the imperative to survive. There can be no sympathy for your attacker, no holding back your strength. If you know truly that you are in danger of being harmed, or worse…” He paused and took a deep breath. “Then do not hesitate to threaten or end your attacker’s life. You must be prepared to do whatever it takes to make it out safely."

Despite the gravity of the words, Nanamo’s glowing smile never left her lips.

“I understand. But how am I to reach their head, so that I might poke their eyes out?" She grinned, then broke out into a giggle. “I do wonder how that would feel. Rather gooey, I suppose."

She peered her eyes up in thought. “Perhaps, I shall kick them in the kneecaps! Yes, that would take them right down to the ground. Then I could poke out their eyes, and slam my elbow into their throat!” This time, she laughed heartily, letting go of the ladylike demeanor completely. “But what about the shins? Would kicking them in the shins be more painful?"

Raubahn let out a huff of frustration. This was a serious, as well as violent, subject matter. Why was she having such _fun_ with it? There wasn't anything amusing about this, as far as he was concerned.

"Well, that certainly could be effective, but…"

As soon as he trailed off, eyes turned to the floor in consternation, Nanamo’s face fell.

“Have I said something wrong? Truly, I didn’t mean to… Raubahn, I’m so sorry I…"

“Think nothing of it, Your Grace. I just…” He paused for a time to consider his words. “I truly, sincerely worry for your safety. It is a weight on me. If a dangerous situation were to arise, and you were somehow taken away from my protection, or that of the Sultansworn…” Again, he breathed in deeply, as if his thoughts pained him. “Then I would wish for you to remember these lessons well."

Nanamo looked up at him for several long moments. Her emerald eyes showed a mix of shame, warmth, and determination. With a sigh to relieve the tension in her chest, she placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I swear it, Raubahn. I will remember every word you’ve said. And every move, as well. I… I only meant to show my enjoyment of the lesson.“ Gradually, a warm smile returned to her face. “I shall even practice in my chambers when no one is watching."

As much as his worry would never truly dissipate, Raubahn knew she spoke sincerely. Nanamo was ever one to wield the strength of her own willpower, even if it was the only power she had. With a nod and a smile, he placed his own hand over hers.

“I am very glad of that."

When they’d taken their positions again, Nanamo’s expression had transformed, from casual and playful to stern and forceful. Her mouth was set, and her eyebrows leaned down over narrowed eyes. She was surely trying to display her renewed seriousness for her training. Still, such a mean expression seemed not to fit her. Her face was always so gentle, her demeanor so graceful. But surely, adding some hidden arse-kicking beneath it couldn’t hurt. In this situation, the expression would suit her nicely.

“Let’s practice with another weapon. If you turn your hand vertically like this, flatten it, curl up your fingers, and stick out the heel of your palm..."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post 3.0 angst based off the short story "For Coin and Country."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, really want the MSQ to go into the obvious emotional rift between Raubahn and Nanamo post-3.0 (that you can just feel when you read “For Coin And Country”), and have them talk it out, address all the mistakes and trust issues and regrets, start to get past it, re-commit to a shared goal and shared dream and to being in it together, and slowly but surely grow stronger than ever from the ordeal.
> 
> But it’s never gonna happen because Heavensward is just dragons, dragons, WoD, and more dragons. So here you are, folks: the deleted scenes. Gen, some fluff, but mostly angst.
> 
> reference: http://na.finalfantasyxiv.com/lodestone/special/2015/short_stories/

“Raubahn, I…" 

Despite the hours she had spent steeling herself for this moment, Nanamo felt the tears creep unbidden to the edges of her eyes. She couldn’t look him in the face, not just yet, not when she was like this. He was kneeling, unmoving, waiting for her to speak. His manner was so formal — she _hated_ it. It was just the two of them here, what was the need for it? Other than to express how he felt — distanced, where once they had been close. It’s not that he was now, or had ever been, cold to her. But the warmth had gone from whence it once was, and that in itself was enough to make her feel a chill like the desert winds at midnight.

 Everything seemed to have changed between them since she… returned, so to speak. Awoke to learn, in horror, the damage she had wreaked by her foolish decisions. Not deliberately, and not alone, but stemming from her actions nonetheless. Now, nothing felt like it had before. Now he was _missing his godsdamned left arm_  and the accusation that _it was all her fault_ rang in her ears every time she looked at what was left of it. Now, they had hardly talked outside of what was necessary. Now their silences were wide empty spaces, instead of filled with quiet familiarity. An invisible rift stood gaping between the two steadfast partners, when before they had stood side by side. 

_But whose choice was it to create this distance? It was mine._

“I failed. I failed in every way imaginable. But most of all, I failed to _trust_ you. Never in my life have I made a graver mistake."

The tears had been pushed back, only to give way to trembling hands and a knotted throat. The pain of guilt threatened to crush her where she stood. She wanted to run away from this meeting she herself had requested, after putting it off for too long. She wanted to cower in a corner, wailing and sobbing while continuing to plunge invisible daggers into her own heart. But what would that do — to punish herself with more misery? To wallow in regret? The last thing she needed to do was to continue to make this about _her_ pain. It was _his_ pain that needed to be mended.

Courage meant being afraid to do what needed to be done, and yet doing it anyway. She’d stood up to what she’d thought were frightening challenges before, but none seemed to compare to this. More than anything, she hated the look in his eyes — a dull, tarnished silver from whence the brightness of affection had gone out. But she  _had_ to look at them. If there was a part of him that still believed her to be just and true and courageous, she had to prove it right.

“I’m just… so, _so_ sorry. I can’t do anything about the past, I just… I can only promise that from now on, I _will_ tell you everything. If you will only believe me, I… won’t ever take you for granted again."

This conversation would not nearly fix everything that had been broken. But an apology was the only way to start, and sincere action was the only possible next step. For every promise broken, a hundred would have to be kept if their rift were to heal. If they were to grow stronger from the pain.  

Raubahn took a long time to consider her words. Several times, his eyes fell, or darted away. In the end, however, at least the formality and the stiffness released itself from his movements. His eyes softened, and began to show the slightest hints of emotion.

“Thank you... for that. I won’t lie it’s been… it’s been hard. I could swear I’ve been up against worse battles than this in my life and yet… it is this time that we have come to the worst aftermath. Some losses… can’t be recovered.” 

She was sure he was massively understating his difficulties, but that was not unlike him. Finally, something familiar. Something about him that was still the same.

“Nonetheless, I don’t want to continue like this. I don’t believe you do either. I don’t believe it’s too forward to say that I’ve done nothing to earn your mistrust. For that, I do need you to trust me, and be honest with me. Only our strength is unified can we accomplish those dreams for which we have worked so long.”

She nodded and sighed, allowing herself to feel some measure of relief. “You have done more than enough by accepting these words, though they may be of little comfort. There’s much we must do to move forward, on all fronts. But the hour is late. For the nonce, we should rest."

He nodded in neutral agreement, and stood to his feet. Mercifully sparing them both from a more formal salutation, he said nothing more before taking the familiar path from the balcony out of her chambers. She should have felt relieved — what else was there, really, to say? If their wounds were now, finally, set and salved to heal, should she not leave them be? She’d said all that she had meant to, and hadn’t backed down from anything. It had drained her to the bottom; she should have been well satisfied to take her leave.

There was only one thought that failed to comfort her. She _had_ declared that she would no longer keep her secrets to herself. Yet, all the sincerity in her vow couldn’t seem to keep her from holding back that one truth she had buried more deeply than all others. All the courage she could muster couldn’t make the confession come to her lips.

_What are you even thinking? It’s the worst possible time to say that. It’s not what he needs to hear right now. Nothing good will come of it. Yet... I promised to tell everything..._

She feebly grasped her hand toward his retreating back, as if it would make him turn around, and see the plea in her eyes. But it was only the closed door that saw her outstretched hand.

_Wait. Don’t go. There’s… there's still one thing I’ve never told you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nald’thal almighty, that was angsty. I’ve been wanting to write this for like a year, and kept putting it off because the scenario was just too damn painful to think about. But it really had to be done. It’s such an important issue that it’s up to the fandom to shed some light on.
> 
> Now to wait for Patch 3.56 and for Squeenix to once again rip my heart out and trample it on the floor. ^____~


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes when they get drunk alone (or in public), they lavish each other with ridiculously over the top lyrical flirtations that send them both into fits of laughing. Because Nanamo has read too many poems/fantastical stories/bard songs, and Raubahn can have a way with words too sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is incredibly fluffy. You've been warned.

 “I love you so much I would…” The cup of wine in Nanamo’s hand began to splash precariously as she swayed from side to side in a thoughtful motion, her other hand on her chin. "...climb the tallest mountain in Coerthas, if you asked me to!”

Raubahn laughed quietly, carefully watching the swaying cup if in fact it did tip over and needed catching. If this is where their conversation was headed, chances were they were just slightly beyond too much to drink.

“But why would I ask you to do that, dear?” He himself was holding a half-empty mug of ale from its top opening to keep it from falling over.

Nanamo giggled furiously, as if _she_ weren’t the one who’d said something utterly ridiculous. “I don’t _know_! But I heard it in a bard song once. I guess… it’s meant to show the extent of one’s love with the difficulty of the task? As if… it’s the thought that counts?” She shrugged and took an overly careful sip from her cup, as if she were having trouble steadying it in her hand. 

At least they weren’t out at a social event, like the last time their conversation took up this same nonsensical debate. All of Ul’dah seemed to know, on an intellectual level, how madly in love the famed power couple were with each other. To see it firsthand, though, caused a few to turn up their noses at the impropriety of it all. 

“Well then, I can’t let such a bold declaration go unanswered.” Raubahn took a few moments to gaze at the ceiling, though his brain wasn’t in any state to do any actual thinking — he simply wanted to make it seem like he wasn’t pulling words out of thin air. “I love you so much I would… cross the widest ocean for you.”

This, too, Nanamo found raucously funny. “The ocean, huh! But you’ve hardly ever been on a ship, darling! Could you really manage it?” She mumbled something unintelligible about airships while downing another sip of wine. “I know, I know! You'd bring Merlwyb with you, wouldn’t you?”

He scoffed, unable to hold back a joke at their dear friend’s expense. “You’re right… In that case, I’d even willingly stick myself with Merlwyb for months on end for your sake.”

Though Nanamo was even less tactful at her enjoyment of Raubahn’s jab against the Admiral, her jovial laugh changed into a pouting whine as she reconsidered the prospect. “But that wouldn’t be any fun! Why would I want you to do that?”  

Having abandoned her cup on the nearest table, she was free to flop over on her back against the couch and cross her arms firmly. As if being viewed upside-down were somehow supporting her case. "I want to go with you on the sea voyage!”

Raubahn took one last chug of the ale before deciding to abandon it as well. He looked at Nanamo sideways, not because of the strangeness of her position, but of her statement. “But then we’d _both_ be stuck with Merlwyb.”

Nanamo gave an exaggeratedly defeated sigh before forgetting all about what she’d been pouting over, and donning another glassy-eyed grin. “Here’s a really odd one. I heard this ballad where this woman would… color her hair all in black for her love.”

Not only did this particular lyric not impress him, the thought almost seemed to make him look sad. “Now _that’s_ ridiculous. No one should want to change their true love’s beauty. ...Besides, it would be a tragedy to cover _this_.” 

As it turned out, with Nanamo lying down with her head at his side, it was easy for him to run a hand through her rose-colored hair, now hanging loosely out of whatever elegant hairstyle it had been pinned up in earlier. She was close enough to send the scent of her perfume to his nose. So close that his voice fell to a whisper. He felt dizzy, as the scent seemed to do more to intoxicate him than everything he’d drank that night.

“I love you so much, I never fail to think of you when I smell roses."

Closing her eyes for a moment, Nanamo was suddenly glad she’d decided to lay down. There was no telling the source of this light-headed feeling, of being off-balance and slowly falling down. Whether it was caused by being drunk, being upside-down, or being in love. She didn’t need to steady herself, but nonetheless, put her hand on his that was running through her hair.

“I love you so much that I’m going to marry you next week.”

He was quiet for a long time, thinking deeply on the sight of her wide green eyes in the dim candlelight. She was right — but even now, the thought seemed to beggar belief. That this woman was real, that she was here, that she was _his_. Smiling softly, he thought perhaps it was about time he got to really letting it sink in. 

“I love you so much, I’m going to marry you, and _then_  make you the happiest person on Hydaelyn every day for the rest of my life.”

It was as over-the-top a declaration of love, perhaps, as any of the others. But it was a declaration she knew, without a doubt, would be fulfilled.

“I love you so much that I’m going to do the same."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {/cry}
> 
> I am 100% trash for these two and 0% sorry.


End file.
